Paranormal State: My Journey into the Unknown
MY JOURNEY INTO THE UNKNOWN
PARANORMAL
STATE
RYAN BUELL
AND STEFAN PETRUCHA
This book is dedicated to all members of my family and friends that supported me and my unusual obsession in to the unknown all these years:
To Mom (Shelly), Herb, and Dad (Tim): Thank you for your love and support.
To Grammer, to whom I promised at a young age that I would dedicate my first book.
To Gramma and Grampa Buell: All those years of watching Scooby-Doo! undoubtedly had an effect.
To Christina, for being my first paranormal partner in crime.
To Lorraine Warren, for being an inspirational mentor.
To Penn State: Thank you for tolerating my weirdness.
To Josh, Heather, Katrina, and all members of PRS, past and present, for supporting me and helping me along this quest. To Eilfie and Serg: Thank you for being by my side, both through the good times and bad.
To Helen Isenberg, for helping me realize my strengths.
And lastly, to all those who have had experiences with the supernatural and felt alone, this book is for you.
Contents
Cover
Title Page
Foreword by Michelle Belanger
Introduction
Chapter 1 - A Dark Crossroads
Chapter 2 - Paranormal Pilot
Chapter 3 - The Storm Before the Storm
Chapter 4 - Triple-Time
Chapter 5 - Finding My Footing in a Rocking Boat
Chapter 6 - Loose Ends
Chapter 7 - The Best-Laid Plans
Chapter 8 - If Only They All Went Like This
Chapter 9 - The Client That Haunted the Ghosts
Chapter 10 - Bored Until the Ghosts Show Up
Chapter 11 - Our First Controversy
Chapter 12 - Demons Inside and Out
Chapter 13 - Blindsided in Elizabethtown
Chapter 14 - Bearing Witness
Chapter 15 - Living a Dream
Chapter 16 - Paranormal Wait
Chapter 17 - We Find Something
Chapter 18 - I Open a Portal
Chapter 19 - Out of the Shadows and Into the Limelight
Chapter 20 - Sickness and Suicide
Chapter 21 - I Don’t Believe
Chapter 22 - In the End, to Honor the Dead
Chapter 23 - The Beginning
Epilogue: Mothman’s Last Word
Appendix 1
Appendix 2
Acknowledgments
About the Author
Copyright
About the Publisher
Foreword
Some journeys change you as you walk them. After taking the first several steps, you can never return to the person you once were. Ryan Buell’s journey started when he was a child. He was the victim of a persistent and malevolent haunting, but when he reached out for help, no one believed him. He felt abandoned, alone, and ignored. Some people would use such an experience as an excuse to become bitter and angry as they grow into adulthood. Others would use it as a reason to resent their parents as well as the society that taught those parents that things such as ghosts could not exist.
But Ryan Buell is not like most people.
He endured his experience, and as he grew older, he transformed his fear into inspiration. He sought answers and he sought allies. More than that, he worked to establish a way to reach out to people in similar situations, to offer them help and support. That work ultimately led him to found the Paranormal Research Society at Penn State University in State College, Pennsylvania. You probably know PRS best as the team of young investigators featured on A&E’s hit, Paranormal State.
I first met members of the Paranormal Research Society in 2006 at their annual event, UNIV-CON. UNIV-CON is one of the largest paranormal conventions in the country, and it attracts high-profile people from every aspect of the community. It was one of Ryan’s ongoing projects, bringing people from the paranormal community together to dialogue, share ideas, and learn from one another.
Back then, I wasn’t what you’d call high profile, at least not as far as paranormal circles were concerned. In the nineties, I’d done work as a paranormal investigator off and on, but my real focus was psychic development and energy work. I had several books out, and was best known for my work on psychic vampires. As it turned out, PRS’s resident occult expert, Eilfie Music, and tech specialist, Josh Light, were both fans of my writing. I’m not sure which of them was responsible for convincing Ryan that I should give a presentation at UNIV-CON. I’m just glad that they did. It allowed me to meet Ryan and his amazing team.
During that first year of our association, my interactions with Ryan were minimal. To be honest, I was a little ambivalent about meeting him. I’d heard that he was a devout Catholic, and I really wasn’t sure how he’d react to someone like me. Aside from my involvement with psychic vampirism, I’m also a practicing pagan. Neither were widely accepted topics within the paranormal community, so I decided it would be safer to lie low than run afoul of someone else’s sincerely held beliefs. I shouldn’t have worried. Ryan’s approach to religion and the paranormal is one of open-minded tolerance. Of course, the fact that Ryan had two openly pagan members on his team, Eilfie and Josh, should have been a tip-off.
In fact, promoting tolerance was one of the points of UNIV-CON. Ryan had a vision about the future of paranormal research. In order to gain acceptance and understanding for the paranormal, he felt it was necessary for those interested in studying it to accept and understand one another first.
The year 2006 was especially huge for the Paranormal Research Society, not simply because of UNIV-CON’s massive success but also because it was the year that A&E came to the convention to lay the groundwork for Paranormal State. I had no idea about that when I showed up, and I’m not even sure it sunk into my head by the end of the convention. Because we had been working in parallel communities that rarely converged, I hadn’t even heard of the Paranormal Research Society. Heck, I was just tickled that this huge paranormal convention was being held—and accepted—at a major college.
That was the first thing that stood out. I could hardly believe that the organization contacting me to speak was a university-recognized student group. Maybe that’s not so hard to accept now, but when I was in college, we had trouble trying to get the university to sanction a gaming group, let alone something devoted to the investigation of ghosts, demons, and the occult. Yet somehow Ryan Buell had managed to do it, at a major university in the mountains of central Pennsylvania. It was a fight at first, and not everyone welcomed the idea of the Paranormal Research Society with open arms. To this day, it has its detractors, but Ryan never let this stop him. He wanted to make changes in the field of paranormal research, and he knew that those changes would happen only through dedication and perseverance.
When I learned that Ryan Buell was the founding force behind the Paranormal Research Society, I wasn’t sure what to think. From what I saw of him during my first UNIV-CON, he seemed quiet, earnest, and even a little shy. I could not imagine what had inspired this clean-cut Catholic boy to develop such a passion for the paranormal. I was curious to learn more, but at first our very different faiths kept us from connecting well. I spent a lot more time getting to know Josh, Eilfie, and even tech specialist and photographer Serg Poberezhny. Ryan was the quiet guy who politely acknowledged my existence just as he went dashing off to handle some administrative business.
I was still very much on the fringe of things when the first season of Paranormal State began. I interacted with Ryan only rare
ly. Most of my communication with PRS involved answering questions behind the scenes for a couple of their early episodes (mostly when Eilfie felt that I might have more resources in my occult library on a certain topic than she had on hand). Obviously, as the years went by, my involvement grew, until now when I’m pretty much an honorary team member. But that initial outsider perspective allowed me to watch the people of the Paranormal Research Society change and grow as Paranormal State really took off. Ryan’s journey through this process was perhaps the most fascinating of all.
Judging by the content of some reality television shows, there are those who’d literally sell their own mothers for a shot at those proverbial fifteen minutes of fame. A lot of people who see Ryan Buell on Paranormal State assume he started out wanting to be a star, pursuing the show for nothing more than attention, money, and celebrity. But this projected image stands in stark contrast to the reality of the person I’ve come to know.
It’s probably difficult to imagine from the other side of the television screen, but Ryan is an intensely private individual. Although he can handle himself eloquently in front of a crowd, deep down he’s actually rather shy and introspective. He takes his work with Paranormal State very seriously, but would genuinely prefer to stay at home, far from the limelight, quietly writing and taking time now and then to enjoy the company of his close friends and his beloved dog. The important thing to remember about television is that every show—even reality-based documentary shows like Paranormal State—sets out to tell a story. That story, however, is just one thread in the extremely rich tapestry of a person’s life. There’s always more to be told.
This book reveals much more of Ryan’s story, and it’s a story that needs to be told. There are sides to him that never really come to the forefront of the show, mainly because only so much can be condensed into twenty-two minutes. For anyone who wants to understand the reasons behind his involvement with Paranormal State, as well as more about the investigations themselves, this book is crucial.
I believe that one reason for the show’s success is that Ryan did not pursue Paranormal State for the attention or even the monetary incentives it offered. In fact, Ryan is the type of person who would gladly sacrifice his position on the show in the interest of integrity. He’s fought long and hard to keep the show as real and honest as possible so that it can continuously push boundaries that educate, inform, and open people’s minds to new and sometimes radical possibilities. For Ryan, it’s all about the message and the good it can do. It’s a message that ties back to Ryan’s early years, back when he was a scared little boy, lying awake at night wondering what sort of terror haunted him in the dark. Now, as an adult, Paranormal State has offered him the very best vehicle for getting that message out to the world: It’s not your imagination.
Michelle Belanger
Author of The Ghost Hunter’s Survival Guide
Introduction
I don’t know about you, but my parents never hoped I’d grow up to be a paranormal investigator. When I was young I was told that there’s no such thing as ghosts. For my own reasons, I didn’t buy it. Nor should you, whether it’s from your parents or a scientist who thinks he has all the answers. Truth is, like with everything else, no one can give you all the answers. You have to find them for yourself.
When I meet with people or speak at a college, most hope I have the one piece of evidence or testimony that definitively proves the existence of life after death. But I don’t. All I have are my stories and experiences, sometimes with really compelling evidence to go along. Do I want to find the smoking gun that proves God exists, that we’re not alone in the universe, or that we survive after death? Always. But that’s only part of my search.
If you’ve watched the TV show Paranormal State, which documents our cases, you know that I had paranormal experiences as a child. Not just one, but several. My mother was open-minded about it, to a point. I think it genuinely frightened her. I remember her calling members of my family and asking for advice. They didn’t exactly know how to handle a child who claimed to see things, so they did what they thought best. They told me to ignore it and did the same themselves.
After the experiences had gone on for a while, I had a meeting with my Catholic priest. Although he was a very kind man, he wasn’t helpful. I don’t think he knew what to say. He seemed glib, like he didn’t believe me, and just told me to pray more. I remember being baffled by that, because he was, after all, a man of God. If he didn’t have the answers, then who did?
In time, as my encounters escalated, my mother decided it was easiest to ignore them. I even recall the moment it felt like she stopped believing me. She never came out and said it at the time, but it was there, on her face, in her body language. Everyone I reached out to couldn’t, or wouldn’t, help me. I was on my own. Even though the terror continued, I gave up.
To my surprise, as quickly as the phenomena started, they stopped. Completely. I don’t know what upset me more: the torment or the fact that it had ended without explanation.
My life did not go back to normal. I tried as hard as I could to forget, and for a while I did. But I was angry—angry at my family for acting like nothing happened or that it was all a joke, angry at myself for being victimized, angry that no one believed me. It strained my relationship with my family and friends. I didn’t trust anyone.
In the end, I was able to find a way to bottle it all up. The anger was still there, of course, but over time I forgot why. My family and I continued to fight. And my behavior became somewhat destructive. For the most part, though, as I got older I tried to blend in and be normal. Then, when I was around fifteen, something great happened.
I picked up a book by legendary investigators Ed and Lorraine Warren. Reading about their lives felt like a trip around the world. From haunted dolls to demonic possession, it was all there, complete with documentation and testimony. Hungry for more, I soon discovered the works of Dr. Hans Holzer, John Keel, and even Carl Sagan. Almost everyone had a differing viewpoint, but they had one thing in common: They were dedicated to pursuing answers about the unknown.
The Internet was just becoming a household phenomenon. When we finally got our computer online, as I was turning sixteen, I discovered an even bigger world. To my amazement, there were ghost hunters and investigators all over the country. I can easily remember listening to my first EVP (electronic voice phenomenon), seeing my first ghost photograph, and more important, realizing for the first time that I was not alone.
A single, overpowering thought invaded my mind. I’d become an investigator. I’d find my own answers about what I’d experienced, solve mysteries around the world, and, along the way, help people out.
A childhood friend, Christina (Chris for short), was my first partner. She also happened to be a staunch skeptic. She kept my feet on the ground—or tried to, anyway—as I searched the wondrous state of South Carolina for ghosts, ghouls, and lizard people (South Carolina had lizard man sightings in the late 1980s). For three years I investigated churches, cemeteries, and old, abandoned (and of course, creepy) buildings.
In those first days I found cases mainly by asking around—talking to friends and neighbors about local hauntings. There were a few times though that I did have more inventive moments, and actually posed as a reporter. Well, technically I was the managing editor of the high school paper, The Cock’s Quill, and had the school ID.
There was one particular place I was interested in—a plantation that was rumored to be haunted—but I was told the owner was vehemently against discussing it. Christina was the school photography editor, so she and I knocked on the door and said we were doing a feature on fantastic places in Sumter. The owner let us in. As Chris took pictures, I asked about the history and so on, but eventually I got to my questions about the ghosts, and it worked out fine. That was a little trick I used a few times, even in college. Personal quest aside, I was just having fun investigating and unafraid of the consequences.
Like a lot of
life dreams, though, things didn’t work out exactly as I pictured. I didn’t come up with many answers. In fact, I wanted to believe that there was something there so badly, at times I overlooked more obvious natural explanations. If something even seemed paranormal—creaking floorboards, winds—I was easily convinced it was. I’ve since learned that finding those more common explanations always comes first. Having faith in the existence of the paranormal, like faith in anything, means believing that it can stand up to honest skepticism.
Nowadays, I’m far from being a ghost hunter, going out only to document evidence or look for thrills. Most of my clients, the families I meet, aren’t just looking for that scientific validation. They want to grasp what’s happening to them, and, if possible, find a resolution. They need to be understood and helped. And that’s what I try to do.
The skeptics’ best reason for condemning paranormal experiences is always sadly lacking: If they didn’t see it, it can’t be true. Some can’t even believe things they do see. I know. I spent the first sixteen years of my life trying to deny what I knew in my heart to be true—that there is something out there. That’s why I don’t immediately laugh when a child tells me he saw a monster claw its way out from underneath his bed, or write a woman off as crazy when she says she’s hearing voices or having visions.
It may be the nature of the unknown to remain unknown, even unknowable. That doesn’t mean the veil between the worlds doesn’t slide back now and again, letting a select few see behind it, creating experiences that change them forever.
That doesn’t mean I always take everyone at his or her word. Even though I want to believe—in ghosts, demons, beasts, and little green men—I’m not just going to buy anything. I’ve got standards, you know! But when the other side comes knocking, I can’t ignore it, especially when it breaks down my door and invites itself in.